Where Have All The Men Gone?

I had a very intense nightmare the other night, one of the scariest I've experienced in a long time. Now, I'll tell you it in a bit, but the next day, sometime in the afternoon, I was hit with such a grief. A grief of all the men being gone. In this grief, I realized my dream was much more connected to my reality than I thought.

Here is the dream.

I was in a world, a very soulless world, with my mother and my brother. Things were tense. Nothing was abnormal, but I new something wasn't right. The air was pungent with evil.

My family and I were being shown our place to stay for the night, when the gunshots went off. My mother and brother disappeared.

Now, as dreams are not a solid reality and more fluid, my brother turned into my boyfriend Isaac. Even though I didn't see this happen, the gun men were out for Isaac, "killing any man in sight in attempt to kill Isaac". This is what I picked up from the scene. 

I felt invisible and small, in a good way, because it allowed me to slip out of the crowds and begin my search for Isaac.

I left the town and went into the suburb areas where there were developments of houses.

It was nighttime, and I had to stay hidden, as all the "men" left in this world were predators. Not trying to kill me, but I'm sure you can guess what they wanted from me. 

So, to sum it up, the gunmen wanted to kill all of the men in the world, and then, replaced the men as pedophiles and sexual predators. Isaac was able to survive, and we met up again. 

Now, maybe this story sounds a bit familiar to you too, but if not, I'll explain how it is familiar to me. 

My vision of a man... of a true, embodied, pure, and stable man... is one of kindness, integrity, honesty, stability, passion, not afraid to be true to who he is and protect the one's he loves, can discern between fake and real. Heart so open without fear. Will cry with ease and passion when grief calls for it. Listens with his heart. 

The way he feels lives in my heart as what a man truly is. 

But, I have yet to meet a man like this. A true man. 

I've met woman embodied, and only a few, but have yet to meet a man.

I've met good souled men, but they are usually in too much pain and have too much trauma to really be themselves fully. 

This is such a grief for me, and the little girl in my heart wonders where all the men have gone. 

The man who is shamed since childhood to reject any inkling of vulnerability. To suck up the tears or else he cannot be considered worthy of being a man. 

It's so distorted. 

Giving the men jobs and taking them from the family. Eventually this happened with the woman too.

Lust for and get the girls. Capture their infatuation to fill the hole of unworthiness. 

Access to porn, to woman's bodies on display, stripping sex and intimacy of its innocence, its first discovery being one of actors rather than your own pure love for another. 

Resenting the woman's heart, disgusted by and distrustful of emotions.

A woman can ask to be held, protected, heard, listened to, and they stand and stare, the male soul in them gone away, emptiness in the eyes.

I long to see a world where the men come back. 

To all the men out there, I see you. I see your pain. I cannot imagine the shame you are under for simply being who you are... in your emotions and passions and desires. I see you are trying your best. 

I will include a little bit from my journal that I wrote the day this grief for the men was coming up so strong:

Today, while walking, the grief overtook me. It hurt so bad, I thought I would die. After a bit, I suddenly felt the souls of ancestors of the earth holding me, fighting with me to bring the men home, to take down all the energies repressing the man. The humans were fighting with me to take the earth back as ours. To reclaim what was stolen. The ancestors cradled me, comforting me, assuring me, all while preparing to fight.