This dream was intensely emotional... however not much happened lol. I'll explain.
In the dream, I was supposed to go explore a haunted place with my cousins, my aunt, and some other faces I did not know or at least know too well.
We were about to get into a car that was parked where my dad always parks in our driveway. I was in the car, waiting for the others to all pile in, but I got out because I suddenly felt sick. I thought I was going to throw up (side note: throwing up has always been a HUGE fear of mine growing up)
I was walking around the woods edge, panicking only slightly, when a friend of a boy I didn't recognize revealed was revealed behind the open car door, throwing up.
This then made me throw up. I ran in the woods, and somehow only threw up this small, ice cream scoop size, chunk of mushed food.
I still did not feel too much better, so I told the people in the car I had to pee and asked them if I could go and if they could wait for me.
This girl from my school I used to be afraid of (because she was "cooler" than me hahaha) said that they would not wait for me. I went anyway, trusting in their humanness to just wait 2 minutes.
I tried to go to the bathroom to feel better, but I was having a hard time. I felt a little better that I tried and knew there was nothing more I could do. I still felt sick, but oh well, I wanted to go play!
I ran outside to see that they left...
Oh, the agony. The heartbreak. Oh, I was so angry, sad. Betrayed.
I found myself inside in my mom's work office crying like I was dying. Like I mean rolling all over, not knowing what to do with myself lol.
And my mom just stared at her computer. I grabbed her face and said, "Look at me, mom! Help me!". My brother was on the bed, just watching silently.
I remember my mom's eyes in mine when I pulled her face to look at me.
She said that when dad was home, maybe he could take me, but she said it in an annoyed and tired way.
Now that I think about it, she looked so tired. It makes me feel sad.
Anyways, I continued to sob, as nothing could take away the reality that they left me.
They left me behind. I was not wanted. I was left out. I was betrayed. And there was nothing that could control this reality.
I sobbed and sobbed so hard I could not breath. So much tightness in my chest. I woke up so I could finally breath.
It was painful to wake up, physically and emotionally. I woke up still crying a bit, or, at least making "noises of pain".
The feeling carried with me throughout the day, opening doors to anger I held in my life, towards my family, and towards myself. This acceptance became a key to letting it go.
ps. this dream inspired me to start this "Dream Journal" page.
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