Identity. Such a potent topic. I heard this quote once that "every crisis in life is an identity crisis" and I immediately understood. Every crisis I have ever faced has surely been an identity crisis, and I can say this now after spending some years really rooting into the truth of who I am. Anyways, here I will discuss how every crisis we could ever face comes from not knowing or not feeling deeply connected with who we are at our core.
You know, I haven't been writing too much in this blog lately, and I just feel really motivated now to get back into it. I know I have some valuable information to share and I know that now. I know I am worthy.
Worth. This feeling of worth is deeply intertwined with identity. They might even really be the same thing at their core. Because when you know who you are, you know you're undeniably and unconditionally worthy simply for your existence on earth.
You just know you are meant to be here. You just know this world called you here and you said "yes please here I am to be a rockstar of a hueman being".
And the thing is, there is absolutely nothing a genuine, heart and soul connected hueman being could ever EVER do to lose this worth.
For instance, I grew up believing that money = worth. You have money, you deserve to be trusted and valued. And if you don't have money, well you are a disappointment and we can't help you anymore.
That's a bit extreme maybe, but it really felt that way to me.
I also felt this way with athleticism. If I wasn't good at sports, then who was I? How could I deserve to have a body?
Things like that where worth and identity is such an indefinite thing. So conditional. So unstable.
Stability and identity are also very intertwined. Because there is stability that you feel from having a nice home and bed and food on the table, and then there is TRUE CORE STABILITY that is there no matter what happens. Core stability is like the fulcrum in a seesaw. It is unchanging.
And you know what it is? It is faith. It is the faith in unconditional love no matter what is happening to you in your life. It is the faith that you are supported by this love. It is the faith that there is no hell you could ever reach that god will not follow you to.
So, when our identity is rooted in this unchanging, unconditional flame (life force / soul) inside of us, the stability deepens, crisis becomes less of a crisis and more like the dance it is meant to be.
We have come to this earth to experience pleasure. Desire is what moves all of the universe. It is the language of the universe. Desire is the spark of life force behind all movement. Pain is merely the resistance to pleasure.
If desire begins in the soul like a little flame, our heart's are the little sensors that convert this flame into warmth for us to feel.
This is why I am so adamant about following one's heart. It is the language of our soul, which is the language of god.
I see the soul as a piece of god. But not like a piece that was broken off or taken from god. Instead, imagine a circle, and a circle you can pizza slice into an infinite amount of pieces, but it never loses its shape or size or area or anything, no matter how many times it is fragmented. Each soul, each part of life on earth, anything we can sense and even the stuff we can't, is a fragment of the circle of god.
Anyways, back to identity. I want to describe how I sink into / connect to / feel my own identity.
Well first I pause. And I intuitively bring my awareness to the center of my body. I feel a presence in the very base of my core, but I feel the warmth of desire and passion in my heart and chest, and even my throat a little. THIS that I have just described feels a certain way to me. This passion, this desire. I have no words for it, but I know it even deeper than words can describe. And this feeling is different for everyone. It feels different, it is colored different based on your soul.
For example, say that circle of god I was talking about is a color wheel. If you sliced it into fragments like I described before, each fragment, each pizza slice, no matter how small, would be a different color, even if just in the slightest bit. That is each soul of earth. Each aspect of earth would represent a different color. Like animals would be lets say red and plants green and water blue and rocks purple or whatever. And then each species would be like the little difference between red purple and red orange. You get the picture. This is just an example, not actually how it is. At least I don't think😂
Identity is what asserts you into this world. When you know who you are, life force flows. Your energy field is strong, protecting you from manipulation and energy drainage. You float through this life with ease and pleasure, knowing you are unconditionally loved and supported by the very strength behind the workings of the universe.
Know you're worthy in your core, let go of shame, and unleash your passion. This is identity - stable, bright, and warm.
And you know, it is a journey. For my whole life, I've felt unstable. It was all I knew, and I would cling to things desperately in search of worth / identity. When I was little, it was my mom (I felt really unstable if she wasn't with me physically). It also became sports. Then it became my first boyfriend. Then it became being really popular and likeable. And now, for the first time in my life, I am feeling true stability. And there are times when I feel it deeply and still times where I feel confused. But the stability is there, unchanging and calm beneath it all. Sometimes I just have to remind myself to relax. To stop running and moving and thinking so fast and just sit with the god of love within, the stability within. And it's always there, unchanging and waiting for me.
This love of god in me, this stability, this worth has begun to unravel me, to burn the parts of me that no longer serve me and rebirth my true self. The manifestation of true self is not a solid thought form, but more like the fluidity of fire, allowing for the expression of my inner passion in whichever way it wants to go.
It is cool to see this happening. It is cool to see how with this deeper stability, the parts of me that do not fit me anymore are being shed off without effort, as a snake naturally sheds their skin. It is painful at times, yes, but it is something that is happening beyond my control, beyond my conscious choice. I have been swept up by the truth of my heart and soul, by the magic of god.
For instance, my relationship with my mom is changing and its the scariest thing because I am facing my deepest fear, speaking my truth, allowing my identity to take up space. And that is just wow. That is the healing. That is and always has been my identity crisis, my life's crisis. And here we are, face to face with it, and moving with grace, or at least somewhat gracefully 😂 but it is beautiful to feel the change.
So, as I am meeting this peaking point of my life long identity crisis, and as I see many others facing similar crisis's in their lives, I felt inspired to write. This information here is kind of like the secret of life if you ask me. After reading this, you are now a sorcerer.
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Beautifully written. I share a similar story of speaking my truth with my parent (my dad). Thank you for sharing 🫶✨