The Root Of Disease

What is an underlying urge to die? It looks like trying to "make it through" the day. Anytime anyone finds themselves trying to escape their life in any way, look for relief, that is an underlying urge to die. Most addictions are that, too. Addiction to substances, addiction to false personalities of yourself that you believe others like and therefore are too afraid to let go of and risk being not liked, addiction to working, addiction to staying busy, addiction to food, addiction to thinking. Whatever. AN underlying urge to die feels like just that: AN UNDERLYING URGE TO DIE, to escape, to close your eyes and just make it through the day. AN underlying urge to die means you do not trust in life to take care of you.

You may hear this and start questioning, "do I have this, too?". Maybe you say, "no no I don't want to die". But question, do you not want to die out of fear of death or because you truly want to live. Do you truly feel safe enough in your body to be present with your reality and your day 24/7? Or do you find yourself escaping into your thoughts or into nothingness, like zoning out and brain fog. 

When the mind is afraid of death, but the soul has made a decision that it wants out of this life, that is when there are problems and suffering. The soul always rules, so the body will slowly start killing itself because the life force is much dimmer without full occupancy of the soul. This will show up as any disease that is said to be caused by "stress". Autoimmune, cancer, fertility issues, anything that comes and does not go away and go away fully with treatment. Stress on the body is because the soul is leaving, or wanting out.  

It is under my impression that many people in this population have an underlying urge to die. And it is getting worse and worse as our environment gets worse and worse. The air is polluted, the food isn't even real anymore, phones and technology. I'm sure you've seen it, but something I've noticed is a big change is how many people feel ashamed or scared to be themselves. Nowadays, people conform without second thought. I've seen my generation filter into groups, all dressing the same, acting the same, looking the same. Social media has created this large-scale social group where it really feels like life or death to be apart of. This is not all people, but it is definitely happening on a large scale. But anyways, people nowadays are ashamed. Their whole lives are watched and tracked.

All the stress that this society is putting on the body and soul is the cause of the rise of disease we are seeing. Plain and simple. I'm not sure how aware you are of this, but so many people are being diagnosed with autoimmune, cancer, ect. So many people are getting sick. Many people blame it on the food, on the air, on the clothes, on the chemicals, and yes that plays a big role, but not because of the physical things it does to the body. The body is resilient. Many people eat the crap and feel just fine and digest it just fine. Their skin is fine, their gut is fine. So, what people aren't talking about is that it is the fact that these chemicals and pollutants and UNAUTURAL or ANTI-LIFE things are putting so much stress on the body and the nervous system, quiet essentially shocking the body, shocking the soul, betraying the soul, and so the soul slowly begins leaving the body. And you see, I feel everyone is different. Some things really shock others while to some it may not shock them at all. 

This is just a very small part of the shock and betrayal we face everyday. 

We live in the world that does not look at the heart of its people, that does not have soul. We live in a world of all QUANTITY and very little QUALITY. This in itself is so very betraying to people deeply connected to their heart and soul, WHICH IS NATURAL AND THE ONLY NATURAL WAY TO BE. Heart is literally spelled with the same letters as earth. To live, meaning fully live not just survive, on earth, we must be in our heart. 

I see the heart as a baby who is tethered to their mother in the womb, and the womb is mother earth. The umbilical cord is the soul. All people in their heart and souls are connected to earth, can hear her breath and her messages for us. It is in following our hearts and desires that we follow the voice of earth, of life. 

So, step one, begin facing all of the places and knots in you that want to die, or, in other words, do not want to live. In this, you may find so much grief and pain and shame, but it is your job to keep going. I promise you are safe and keep reminding yourself that in doing this, you are following the voice of mother earth, of god, of life.

And because the body is intelligent like this, the health problem you find yourself dealing with is very connected to what is going on inside (the body is a reflection of the soul). So, the most basic reflection is if you are all knotted up inside, you are going to see evident problems externally, meaning on the body or in the mind, like mental health issues. Now, going a little deeper into a specific problem. For example, I had really bad eczema at some point in my life, and when it began settling down, it would always come back here or there on my body, never fulling going away. This would be very uncomfortable and make me feel very uncomfortable in my body. It made me itch and feel gross and feel I looked gross and just made me want out out out (underlying urge to die and leave my body). Now you see, that very feeling that the eczema made me feel was the very feeling "causing" the eczema.

Our bodies are communicators. My body and soul were manifesting a way to bring this stuck feeling of discomfort being me up to the surface, so I could face it and heal it. Do you see? Because it was not th eczema causing these feelings, these feelings were already inside of me, stuck somewhere deep and repressed, CAUSING THE ECZEMA. 

I'll be a little more personal because why not, it is for the beneficial of sharing my story without shame.

But, my eczema started around the age of 3. It was this age, I can remember in my heart, that I began feeling bad about myself. My emotions were yelled at, looked past, told to quiet down, leaving me feeling helpless and hopeless and alone with such intense feelings. I started not to trust life, not to trust my heart, seeing that my emotions caused me to lose the love of the people I loved and depended on dearly. I began to speak more clearly at this age, having my own opinions and being right about a lot of things, and neither of my parents could have that, so my voice got repressed. I was only praised for being a sweet, happy, good little girl. My heart and soul were kept in a tight box, and I began to lose faith in my expression, in life. I began to see myself as gross and annoying and dramatic and attention seeking. But my heart and soul were antsy to express, and so I felt very uncomfortable. This feeling still lives in me. I would be lying to say it is something of the past, but one thing for sure is that facing my truth, processing my truth, feeling what I feel, has been healing me. It is just something I know and can see physically with the eczema going away as well, losing intensity as is the emotion behind it. 

Facing your truth, facing your reality on the level of what you feel, facing your hearts interpretation of reality, is quite literally the greatest healing that can happen to a person. 

Because what is happening is the life force in you is not FLOWING RIGHT. You are all knotted up by false beliefs about who you are or what the world is like, like that you are not enough, or that you are alone, or that you cannot trust life. There are many more examples, but those are some.

If you hear anything that does not sound good and right to your soul deep deep down, it is a lie. If you believe anything that does not feel good and right to your soul deep down, it is a lie. And these lies keep you knotted up and keep your life force from flowing right. The reason is, your life force is not something of the mind, it is completely in the soul. And it is only the mind that can believe lies. And when your mind believes lies, it begins to impose that on the body and soul (the body is a reflection of the soul). So, you need to stop relying on your mind for the truth, stopping looking for evidence or proof and just trust the truth of your soul. Then, you will see your life change. The truth will come out and your soul will be set free. 

I did not start to see real healing until I understood all this. Truly understood with my heart, body, and soul, not just mentally understood. 

I think I said all I want to share today. This topic is so deep and I feel like there are so many pockets of it I could go deeper and deeper into. If you are curious about something that I wrote about today and did not go deep enough into, comment below or message me personally ♡

Ah, ok, one more thing I want to remind anyone who is thinking about going on this journey into sorting out all of their knots, is that it may take time. For example, you may mentally know that you are enough, but your heart still cringes at your presence. There will be grief with that. You will feel 5 again, or whatever age you learned that you were not enough. Sometimes, it may feel like you'll never see the end of the grief or pain. That you'll just cry forever. I promise you, that is not true, and feeling is healing. There is a stuck energy in you that needs to be processed and felt, so do not suppress it and try to just move on with life just like you did when you were 5 or whatever. You must keep feeling it until your heart and soul willingly begin to move on. And keep reminding yourself of your truth, in this case, that you are more than enough, that you are a beautiful piece of art. In every place you see yourself playing the character of someone who isn't enough (people pleasing, afraid of being a burden, ect), rewrite the story.